My Lab and My Dreams

That’s right – I have a real lab in addition to my virtual one!  While I was in Norfolk, I visited my new department a couple of times, during the last of which I took the opportunity to take a look around.

The department chair, Janis, showed me where my lab will be.  The room is actually perfectly sized for my needs – I was very happy with it as a lab space, and honestly, a smidge surprised that kind of space was actually available in the building.  It wasn’t in the best of condition, however.  I don’t have a picture, but I give you this visual approximation:

Okay, so the lab isn’t actually that big.  But it is full of boxes.  And desks.  And bookcases.  Which yes, means that right now, it’s a storage room.  That’s fine, since obviously I’m not using it yet.  My understanding is that the boxes, desks, and bookcases will be gone by the time I move in, but if not, I suppose that just means my graduate student and I will have a lot of heavy lifting come the end of summer.  Frankly, I’m fine either way.

And when I realized that, it felt a little strange.  I am actually excited about a room.  A room.  Not because I necessarily love the space, but because I love what it represents – a place of my own to conduct the research I want to conduct.  It represents independence.  It represents responsibility to a greater good.  It is an affirmation from the powers on high that I – after 21 years of education – am finally being given the keys to the research Nova with the expectation that I will not drive it off a cliff.

That simultaneously thrills and terrifies me.  I am endlessly excited at the view in front of me, and also a bit nervous that I will not meet the expectations of my advisor, my colleagues, and most of all, myself.  I feel the great weight of expectation upon me, but I am also cautiously optimistic that I will be able to bear it.  Is this what being an academic researcher is all about?  Will I soar, or will I turn into a old, bitter academic with many regrets?  I suppose I will know in only a few more short months.